Tony Humphreys: Relationship, Relationship, Relationship [2010] paperback

No matter where you are, what you are doing, whether you are alone or with others, you are always in relationships. Whatever the relationship, it is always a couple- relationship, whether this, for example, is a parent with a child, a lover with a lover, a manager with an employee, a student with a teacher, a neighbour with a neighbour. This book is concerned with the much neglected area of relationships as dyads involving two unique individuals, in all settings in which human beings live, work, pray and play. The fundamental motivating factor behind all relationships is the need to belong unconditionally. If our spontaneous and real efforts to belong are not responded to, then, cleverly, we find substitute ways of having a sense of belonging. What the book will show is that there is no substitute for the real thing of unconditional belonging; it will further show how individuals try so hard to find ways to belong but because conditional relating never truly meets the real need, inevitably conflict emerges in the relationship.
The book reveals how conflict, rather than being the enemy, is the ally that attempts to attract the two individuals in the relationship back to the real quest of being unconditionally loving and loved. The book may surprise in its revelation of seven unspoken secrets in our society about our true nature and the impact of these secrets on our relationships with one another. These secrets have been cleverly and unconsciously devised to block the emergence of individuality and empowerment which can be perceived as very threatening unless one is in a solid place of maturity. The book highlights the responsibility that each and every one of us has to reflect on how we are within ourselves and how, out of that place, we relate to others. If our inner world is harmonious then we will be better able to live with one another in harmony; it is in this sense that individual maturity leads to mature society. For persons who occupy positions of governorship over others, the responsibility of personal maturity is particularly urgent.
The recession that has hit the world in recent times can be traced to deep emotional processes where trust had disappeared, where there was little room for individuality, where performance was prized above well-being and where there was an overwhelming push for 'success' at all costs. The book is especially aimed at those adults in our society who have leadership, managerial and parental responsibilities. While aimed at both men and women, the book seeks in particular to draw in men who traditionally have not seen relationship as belonging to their sphere of business; the book emphasises that for the sake of mature society this is an area that men can no longer afford to avoid.