Fast approaching his fortieth birthday, Andrew is cornered at a family gathering by the nine-year-old son of his brother-in-law's sister. Having seen him as a talking head on TV, the boy asks, 'What are you?' It is a question so frank and simple that Andrew doesn't have an immediate answer to hand.
So, with hilarious self-deprecation, he sets out to retrace how he got to where he is today. Seventeen precarious jobs in seventeen years: from trolley collector at Sainsbury's to high-flying film critic sipping cocktails with Will Smith and Jerry Bruckheimer on a yacht in Cannes. This is Andrew's tale of rubbing shoulders with the world's biggest stars: pissing off Christini Ricci, having his hairstyle mocked by Noel Gallagher, trying not to wake Clive James from his afternoon nap, having his apple pie eaten by Bob Geldof, and somehow stumbling into the next dream job.
Along the way, he's been the world's worst gossip columnist, an almost-hip young gunslinger at the NME, a Radio 1 DJ (enduring a hellish Radio 1 roadshow in a car park in Birmingham), an ITV presenter, EastEnders scriptwriter, ghost writer for a major TV personality and much, much more. It charts a world of hedonism, mundanity, towering egos, shallow idiocy and occasional moments of mind-blowing joy. And, of course, being sent shit in a box.
If you are not satisfied with your order in any way, get in touch. We have an excellent customer service record and we will do our best to ensure you are pleased with your purchase.
📄 Exercise Your Right of Withdrawal
Under EU consumer law, you have the right to withdraw from your purchase within 14 days of receiving your order, without giving a reason. To formally exercise this right, use the button below. This is a distinct function separate from our general returns process.
Notice of Withdrawal
Please complete all fields. You will receive a copy of this notice at your email address as confirmation of receipt.
Your right to cancel
If you order online, you have the right to cancel your order within 14 days of receiving your goods, without giving a reason. This cooling-off period runs from the day you (or someone you nominate) receives the last item in your order. To cancel, contact us at shop@chaptersbookstore.com stating your order number and your wish to withdraw from the purchase. Once we've confirmed your cancellation, you have 14 days to send the goods back to us.
Condition of returned items
To be eligible for a refund, your item must be returned unworn, unused and unread, in its original packaging, and in the same condition you received it. You'll also need your receipt or proof of purchase. If your return is based on the item's condition on arrival, please include a photo so we can advise the best resolution.
Faulty or damaged items
Please inspect your order on arrival and contact us immediately if an item is defective, damaged, or not what you ordered. Separately from the 14-day cancellation right above, you're entitled to a repair, replacement or refund on faulty goods for up to two years from purchase, under standard consumer guarantee rights.
This guarantee covers manufacturing faults only, such as printing errors, missing pages, or binding defects present at the time of purchase. It does not cover damage arising from normal use or wear, including creased spines, worn covers, marked pages or general signs of reading. If you're unsure whether an issue qualifies, send us a photo and we'll be happy to advise.
How to return
To start a return, contact us at shop@chaptersbookstore.com. If your return is accepted, we'll send you a return shipping label and instructions on how and where to send your package. Items sent back to us without first requesting a return will not be accepted. If a return is due to an error on our part, we'll cover the postage cost.
Exceptions and non-returnable items
Certain items cannot be returned, including custom products, special orders, sale items and gift cards.
Trade-In Programme
If you're trading in previously owned books rather than returning a purchase, please see our separate Trade-In Programme terms, which operate independently of this policy.
Refunds
Once we've received and inspected your return, we'll let you know if the refund has been approved. If approved, you'll be refunded automatically to your original payment method. Please allow some time for your bank or card provider to process and post the refund.
Free Delivery in the Republic Of Ireland on all orders over €30. Standard Delivery Charge in Republic of Ireland of €5 for all orders below €30.
Delivery is subject to warehouse availability. Out-of-stock items will be shipped as soon as possible, upon arrival from the manufacturer/publisher. Please take shipping time into consideration.