Number One: Have real sexual intercourse with a girl (preferably Michelle Malloy and definitely NOT on a train or any other mode of transport . . . if it's possible at her house).
Number Two: Fight heaven and earth, tooth and nail, dungeons and dragons that people stop slagging my mate Amir because he smells like a big pot of curry. And, help him find a new best bud.
Number Three: Get dad back from the war before . . . you-know-what . . . happens.
Dylan Mint has Tourette's. For Dylan, life is a constant battle to keep the bad stuff in - the swearing, the tics, the howling dog that escapes whenever he gets stressed. And, as a sixteen-year-old virgin and pupil at Drumhill Special School, getting stressed is something of an occupational hazard.
But then a routine visit to the hospital changes everything. Overhearing a hushed conversation between the doctor and his mother, Dylan discovers that he's going to die next March.
So he grants himself three parting wishes: three 'Cool Things To Do Before I Cack It'.
It isn't a long list, but it is ambitious, and he doesn't have much time. But as Dylan sets out to make his wishes come true, he discovers that nothing - and no-one - is quite as he had previously supposed.
A story about life, death, love, sex and swearing, When Mr Dog Bites will take you on one *#@! of a journey . . .
If you are not satisfied with your order in any way, get in touch. We have an excellent customer service record and we will do our best to ensure you are pleased with your purchase.
📄 Exercise Your Right of Withdrawal
Under EU consumer law, you have the right to withdraw from your purchase within 14 days of receiving your order, without giving a reason. To formally exercise this right, use the button below. This is a distinct function separate from our general returns process.
Notice of Withdrawal
Please complete all fields. You will receive a copy of this notice at your email address as confirmation of receipt.
Your right to cancel
If you order online, you have the right to cancel your order within 14 days of receiving your goods, without giving a reason. This cooling-off period runs from the day you (or someone you nominate) receives the last item in your order. To cancel, contact us at shop@chaptersbookstore.com stating your order number and your wish to withdraw from the purchase. Once we've confirmed your cancellation, you have 14 days to send the goods back to us.
Condition of returned items
To be eligible for a refund, your item must be returned unworn, unused and unread, in its original packaging, and in the same condition you received it. You'll also need your receipt or proof of purchase. If your return is based on the item's condition on arrival, please include a photo so we can advise the best resolution.
Faulty or damaged items
Please inspect your order on arrival and contact us immediately if an item is defective, damaged, or not what you ordered. Separately from the 14-day cancellation right above, you're entitled to a repair, replacement or refund on faulty goods for up to two years from purchase, under standard consumer guarantee rights.
This guarantee covers manufacturing faults only, such as printing errors, missing pages, or binding defects present at the time of purchase. It does not cover damage arising from normal use or wear, including creased spines, worn covers, marked pages or general signs of reading. If you're unsure whether an issue qualifies, send us a photo and we'll be happy to advise.
How to return
To start a return, contact us at shop@chaptersbookstore.com. If your return is accepted, we'll send you a return shipping label and instructions on how and where to send your package. Items sent back to us without first requesting a return will not be accepted. If a return is due to an error on our part, we'll cover the postage cost.
Exceptions and non-returnable items
Certain items cannot be returned, including custom products, special orders, sale items and gift cards.
Trade-In Programme
If you're trading in previously owned books rather than returning a purchase, please see our separate Trade-In Programme terms, which operate independently of this policy.
Refunds
Once we've received and inspected your return, we'll let you know if the refund has been approved. If approved, you'll be refunded automatically to your original payment method. Please allow some time for your bank or card provider to process and post the refund.
Free Delivery in the Republic Of Ireland on all orders over €30. Standard Delivery Charge in Republic of Ireland of €5 for all orders below €30.
Delivery is subject to warehouse availability. Out-of-stock items will be shipped as soon as possible, upon arrival from the manufacturer/publisher. Please take shipping time into consideration.